ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
