She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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