Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I deserve this hangover.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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