i may or may not be watching the land before time
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
