once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
