question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
