omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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