well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I touched a dick in church today
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
