And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
