We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
