Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
