just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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