Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Barsexuality is the new black.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She's the barista slut.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
