My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize