Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My cat gives me a boner
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
