I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My vagina just clenched in fear
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
