Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
