I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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