what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
