I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
