The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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