I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
