Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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