dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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