I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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