i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
