I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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