proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
