she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
