also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
