watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
