whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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