happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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