Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
