I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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