I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
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I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
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