so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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