She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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