I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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