I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
