Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
