Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
