dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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