im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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