How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
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look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
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And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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