Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
