If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
is wine microwaveable?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She's the barista slut.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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