just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
