Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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