so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
