If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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