yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
