my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
