someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
