Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all done wearing pants today
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize