Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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