so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
