His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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