How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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