Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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