i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
