i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
