i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So squirting runs in the family.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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