Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
