i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
