I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
