oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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