Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
