I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
