and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
