dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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