this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
