some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize