all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
