she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
