Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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